Nightmares

I don’t see dreams anymore

I see only nightmares

Ever since, you left me

Alone in this world

I am scared to lie on bed

Unless I am that sleepy

As all I think is about you

When I lay alone

As you was my only support

I wasn’t able to sleep many a days

As your memories refused me to get away

And left me in tears

Felt guilty that, I wasn’t able to save you

As you closed your eyes, for the last time

After gasping for the last breath of air

In a desperate attempt to survive

But shores of safety of hospital

Was little too far

By the time, I got a vehicle to take you there

You left me for a new world

I saw you struggling for survival

Many a night

In different scenarios

Where I kept running

In search of avenues to save you

Never once, I succeeded

As I struggled for long,

My friend taught me meditation

Somehow, I caught some sleep there after

Every night

Then trained myself to tire my soul

To get good sleep

But once in a while

I wake up shocked

Seeing another nightmare 

Questions to god

Sometimes I ask god

Why you are so cruel to those who are good at heart?

Why do you make them suffer?

Without even seeing the golden days

Many of those have to leave this earth

With hearts bearing unfulfilled desires

Their prayers for getting some more time to live

To see the dependents towards shore of safety

Why do you close eyes on those pleas?

When someone decease abruptly

Many a time horror surrounds their loved ones

With no means to go forward

Insecurity calling the shots

With responsibilities to take over the reins

Falling on helpless successors

To manage the debts and legacy

Some never recovers from the disastrous fall

And for rest of the lives, they fight for survival

With only nightmares of good old past in company

Sighs of, what if’s gives some consolation

Lucky ones make it to the nest of relief

When you can let off all the evil forces

Who ravish their brand of mischiefs?

Hurting others deliberately

Snatching their possessions for paltry greed

Making mockery of others sufferings

With disgraceful laughter

Torturing others with power of riches

Killing innocents for silly achievements

Leaving countless relatives in tears

With no power to retaliate

How you can justify the gross injustice,

 towards the deprived ones?

Why do sinners get immunity from sufferings?

Why do you get their every wish fulfilled?

When helpless souls struggle to exist

Begging you for divine intervention

And waits with endless hope for your miracles

Awaiting death and life

With hopes one goes to hospital

To have the beloved recover

And ,raise back to the glory of life

Not always there is luck backing up

Some times doctors have to spell

Harsh facts that no one likes to hear

Even with the advanced care and technology

Hearing the words that chances are low

Any thing can happen, be prepared

Or we can’t tell anything until some hours

Hope for the best, and let relatives informed

Looking through the glass

At someone gasping for life in a ventilator

It stops the emotions for a while

All that comes to mind will be

The good and bad memories of the past

The anxiety of the worst fear grips the eyes with tears

Trembling lips immerses itself with prayers

Hoping that god will lend a respite

Sitting outside the ICU

Worried about the outcomes

Thoughts about future looms with never felt anxiety

When days pass some relief of survival arises

Yet the fear refuses to depart

It’s a wait for a life and death

Minutes passes as slow as ever it could be

Every passing moment reminds of some landmark

Wishing all the way down inside the heart

Not to receive news of liberation of a soul

Waiting with a tired body and a weakened mind

To receive a good news of recovery

When ever a doctor or nurse comes out

Wakes up and runs like a kid with curiosity

Just for asking if any improvement is there in condition

Even if the knowledge of the condition is fresh in mind

Every time while looking through the glass panel of ICU

Sharpens to see if there is any positive move

When goes inside the ICU always heart pounds

Even if the condition is getting better

While seeing others suffer around the loved one

Only when some words are minced

The cheers of new hope arises in the mind

Yet the chances are always there to go wrong any second

It’s like walking through a tight rope

With cushions on one side for safe landing

And a trench awaiting a journey towards eternity

ICU seems like a heaven with a door to hell always opened

And those who serves there are life savers

More of angels sent by the god to enlighten the hopes

it’s a fact that they gives their best

But its not in their hands, always an element of luck plays the game

Miracles happens, so does disasters

Sleepless nights and tiring days never deters

The love for someone who is fighting for the life

Only visual that keeps one awake is the image

Of loved one walking out of that heaven with a smile

Some times the very thought of coffin coming out

Reminds the route to hell and endless tears follows

Dreams and nightmares mars the wait for that life and death

A wait that all not want to have in their life

 Nithin R S