9 May 2022

Closing Doors

A positive phase of life has turned 
Into a nightmare within a few months 
Omicron started the fall from the wall 
A slide down into depths of depression
Upon variation of dosage of medication 
Led to a volatile mind drawing the focus 
Away from the research and the writing 
While my mind readjusted to new dosage 
The doors that brought prosperity to me 
Started closing without any warning bells
While mind was rather waiting for the due 
payments, The change in management 
Closed the door for payments and work 
The smaller firm that gave work regularly 
Started running out of orders to give work 
That door was my big hope for this year 
I had made a deal with a supportive friend
Another door to fallback during hard times
But delay in delivery owing to depression 
Took away my credibility and reliability
Leading to that door getting closed hard
Now I am stuck with three reports unsold 
Company after company giving a no for sale, 
A wicked man wants them at cheap rates, 
Months of research and analysis lay 
in a folder, Awaiting a fresh lease of life 
Now that all doors are closed, I am just 
letting my mind write poetry, Blog a poem
 a day until I see a door opening for me 
I am not ready to succumb to depression 

Depression cost me my career. I had to become a freelancer. I am just a day away from a disaster if my mind struggles to focus. I rely on medicines for focus and concentration. I can't write a word even if I have done all research if there is any variation. It happened on multiple occasions in the last 5 years. Meditation, positivity, etc sounds nice. But the battle inside the mind is not easy to tame.

No comments: